and it is still not over.

This post makes me feel very self-involved and unorganized although I’ve had friends (who will remain nameless) who have had very mess birthdays spilling all over the whole month. Dates typically are organized. April 18th. It is contained. It is a day consisting of 24 hours, each hour consisting of 60 minutes and then it is over. Your birthday. Done. Completed. In one day. I guess this is just the birthday hangover. I didn’t drink and I didn’t even really eat and yet I’m emotionally hung over. I’m 38 and I keep saying it – I’ve said it so many times in the hope that the saying of it will make it somehow lessen the sting.

I’m just letting you all know that this tactic is not working.

Image via Wikipedia

I got in my annual birthday car accident and that didn’t really do much for me. That was an accident…but still. Tradition is tradition. Being organized – although I recommend it over the alternative – not much help either. I went to yoga, wrote, talked on the phone, walked, watched movies, did errands,  and slept. None moved me from my funk.

I found being in acceptance that I’m thoroughly and profoundly unhappy about this birthday and most everything right now is the only thing helping me get over me. And I already volunteer so this funk has been beyond even helping others. The true solution I found is luxuriating in my unhappiness. Shocking I know. This is so unpopular in these days of the Secret. Everyone will tell you to focus on what you want and it is yours. They will tell you that what you focus on grows. They will tell you to think happy thoughts. Well, I am experiencing another kind of secret. That feeling your feelings allows them to pass. That letting yourself feel exactly what it is you are feeling in this moment – is the thing that allows it to pass. Even if it that feeling is ugly and unhappy the more fully you embrace it and feel it the more quickly it passes and the stronger you feel as a result. That, is the only secret you’ll ever need to know. And I just learned it – at the ripe, old age of 38. 38. 38.

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